Let me explain

OK, so last night was another long one. As you may have noticed, and I obviously have, the bad guys have been extra busy lately. I was battling The Fister last night, when I saw, well I'm not sure what! I thought it was Zach Wonderbread in an alley, but that is impossible. Anyway I got distracted, and that bastard The Fister almost slipped one past my guard. Fortunately, my new costume has reinforced stitching in the rear of my trousers. Thank God that freak didn't even get a finger in, well, you can imagine. Needless to say, getting a super-punch to the sphincter really pissed me off, and I needed to get a better look at the phantom in the alley. I ignited The Fister's clothes, then kicked him in the face, to quickly dispatch him. I then ran after the phantom, but he escaped. I know I'm not the most stable guy, but I've been getting a lot better, and I just can't accept the fact that I'm hallucinating. I mean how crazy would that make me? I make this promise to all my fans, and citizens I protect, I am doing my best to keep my shit together.