On my own, kinda

OK, so my therapist, The Bartender, is telling me to let the whole Wonderbread phantom go, but I can't. Mofo's got a fancy new job, so he can't or won't help me sleuth it out. Liquid Courage is, well, he isn't the brightest guy, so getting his help on piecing clues together won't work. SK, and The Slut are busy with 'other' things, and the Rev told me he was busy doing 'Mission' work. So, if I'm gonna figure this thing out, I've gotta do it myself, or find other help.

That's what I did, unfortunately I can't afford to hire any of the top guys, and although, Tracker Dan owes me a favor, still he says he's too busy. I think he's just scared I might go nuts on him though.

Well I was able to enlist the help of another super-detective, or at least a semi-decent-detective, Curious Jorge. Yeah, I know this guy is a bit bananas. He's crazier than I am, but the price was good, bananas. So now I've got a Mexican Monkey helping me search out clues about what I saw that night.

Gotta figure this out!

OK, I've said this before, "I'm not the best detective." I mean I'm not stupid or anything like that. It's just that compared to some other heroes, like The Slueth, Tracker Dan, Odor Guy (bad name, but except that the Guy can find and follow any odor, he ain't the quickest wit. Brilliant sense of smell, though), or even Mofo, I miss some of the little things that implicate one villain instead of another. Alright, now that that is out of the way, I may need a little help on this one. The phantom of Wonderbread I saw the other night wasn't a hallucination. I know this cause I took a trip to see Martha the Mindreader. She was able to access my subcontious and other mental mumbo-jumbo, but she was able to tell me that what ever I saw was really there, or was a hologram, at the very least. Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is...

Well, what I really want to say is that, umm...

*sigh*

I need help, to solve this one.

How long have I been out of it?

So, can somebody explain to me whats been going on? I mean can't a guy hallucinate and have a psychotic episope without the world getting turned upside down? And for that matter has A.S.S. been attacked by a new Super-Villain, or is this guy just a dumbass wanna be, with a bad premise? Check this crap out http://impuresuperiority.blogspot.com/

Can somebody please tell me what the hell is going on, and refill my perscription too?

Drugs = Not so bad after all

Ummm, so...


Uhh, I mean, I think I know how Likkid Curradje feels.

Whoa! This is awesome!

Dude, Dude, Dude,
I
I
I
I can
I can't feel my hands.

*smacks self in face*
I can feel my face, though.

Whoa! So I went to a, ummm...

*sways*
a, ummm, doctor, and ummm...
He said sumpin bout stress, and stuff

I like boobies! Hey Slut, Show me your Boobies!!!

Oh, anyway...
I'm on some really kickass, meds right now.

Who ever said drugs are bad is a poopy-head!

Mofo are you a poopy-head? Do you not like drugs?

So, ummm...

I love you guys! Hey SK give me a hug.
NO! NO, man
come on, give 'ol Phlogisty a hug.

Man am I wasted!

This rocks!

Dude! I can't feel my hands! *claps*
*giggles*

Hey, Rev, tell me about Guatamallalalalaaaaaaaa!
*drools*

I like boobies.

So, guys!

Seriously, listen to this.

NO NO NO, Seriously!
Dude Seriously, listen to...

*snores, and drools*

Let me explain

OK, so last night was another long one. As you may have noticed, and I obviously have, the bad guys have been extra busy lately. I was battling The Fister last night, when I saw, well I'm not sure what! I thought it was Zach Wonderbread in an alley, but that is impossible. Anyway I got distracted, and that bastard The Fister almost slipped one past my guard. Fortunately, my new costume has reinforced stitching in the rear of my trousers. Thank God that freak didn't even get a finger in, well, you can imagine. Needless to say, getting a super-punch to the sphincter really pissed me off, and I needed to get a better look at the phantom in the alley. I ignited The Fister's clothes, then kicked him in the face, to quickly dispatch him. I then ran after the phantom, but he escaped. I know I'm not the most stable guy, but I've been getting a lot better, and I just can't accept the fact that I'm hallucinating. I mean how crazy would that make me? I make this promise to all my fans, and citizens I protect, I am doing my best to keep my shit together.

Keep it together, Man!

Don't panic! It is your imagination! Wonderbread is DEAD! It just isn't possible! You saw him DIE with your OWN eyes! That wasn't him. It was the shadows playing tricks on you. AAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!! I'M LOSING MY MIND!!!!!!!

I'm exhausted

Wow. I don't know what's going on. Apparently every bad-guy made the resolution to be more bad for the New Year. Jesus, I"m too tired to even cover the events of last night, and a bit grossed out from battling with Phlegmenco Insanity, the latin mucus maker. I'm going to go take a shower, now.

Things are still looking up

Wow, my new possitive outlook is really great. I've been working overtime with my patrols, and it seems like crime is on the rise here in the Boro. Which means job security for me. Good news! I am a bit concerned with the sudden rise in evil-doing, but I guess Villians make New Year's resolutions as well.

So, here is a run down of my most recent patrols:
21 muggings stopped
12 car-jackings stopped
1 bank robbery, although I didn't really stop this, the guy was so dumb he was trying to rob the sperm bank. He had a funny out fit as well, I think he was a wannabe super-villain. Anyway his unitard said Spermbuster on it. Gross!
33 acts of vandalism stopped
2 Jaywalkers, man were the surprised when a pillar of fire erupted in front of them. I bet they will use the crosswalk from now on.
1 old lady at the supermarket was trying to use expired coupons, but I could see right through her facade.

Now for the really interesting stuff: Super-Villian run-ins:
Mobulon
The Fecal Fireman, he shoots flaming poo from, well you can guess. What a mess
Bob-a-tron 2.0
Bob-a-tron 1.0, what's with that, I thought he went into retirement in the '90s.
Deuce McPoop
and the Oxidizer, what a goof this guy is. He got his powers from an industrial accident at an Oxy-Clean factory.

This has only been a few days worth of work, too. I'm not a detective, but I think there may be something big on the horizon.

Fun with kicking butt!

So, it is a New Year, and I love my job. Well mostly, everyone has complaints, and inter-office issues, or in our case personality conflicts within the team. Enough of the negative though, being a Super-Person rocks. I love beating the bad guy. Last night while out on patrol, I stopped 3 muggings, stopped a bar-fight with LC's help (LC was at a bar, surprise surprise), and I defeated Hu Flung Pu, the Ninja Chimp. Talk about a great way to start the New Year! I've been doing really well with my New Year's resolution also, it is to focus on the positives in my life instead of dwelling on Wonderbread's death, and other negatives in my life. GO ME, and GO A.S.S.!