Well, I'm back, if I'm allowed back.
Firstly, let me appologize. I want to appologize for my long absence, and for the dastardly deeds I committed while away. I am a super-hero, and I should act like one, now and always, regardless of my problems. I am blessed with abilities far beyond those of most people, and with those abilities comes a burden, a burden I gladly accepted once, and one that I wish to resume. From the depths of my broken heart I appologize to the citizens, and my teammates, and mostly to my dedicated fans. I let you down, and I hope to never do so again.
Now I'm not quite sure where to start, but last you guys heard I recieved some shocking news at the warehouse, then I got drunk. Well here's the shocking news:
Wonderbread isn't dead. Wonderbread is...
Ciabatta
That's right my best friend and side-kick, whom I thought was dead (I blamed his death on myself) is now a Super-villian with a strong following of henchmen.
Well you guys can obviously imagine how shocked I was to discover this, especially since I told you I was shocked, and decided to get drunk to deal with it. What you don't know is that Wonderbread, or rather the evil Ciabatta had been trying to get my attention. Apparently although he is now evil, he still remembers the friendship we shared, and he asked me to join him, as his evil side-kick.
Being a super-hero I automatically refused, but Ciabatta told me to think about it, and that he would contact me, later. I got drunk, as I mentioned before, and thought about it. This is my best friend, back from the dead, and he is now a bad guy, but he wants me to remain his friend and join him. Well the more I thought about it the more I wanted my friend back, now matter what. Ciabatta contacted me, and I accepted his offer. That was a big mistake.
Obviously, with me being a super-hero, and Ciabatta being a super-villain, and me being his new side-kick, he wanted me to prove that I wouldn't screw him over and turn on him. So he watched as I robbed the DQ, then he told me to burn it to the ground. I like ice-cream, so I had a problem with this, but I wanted desperatly to have my best friend back, so I did it. He still didn't trust me fully, maybe cause I still lived at the A.S.S. house (I was trying to live a dual dual life, I don't recommend this). Ciabatta then wanted me to burn hobos alive to prove my loyalty. I weep at night for what I did, and I beg forgivness from God, society, and especially those who had to smell those filthy burning hobos. I still vomit sometimes from the memories, mostly the memories of the odor.
Well after torching a dozen or so hobos, Ciabatta decided he could trust me. I don't understand what could make him so evil, and in turn cause me to do such horrible things. After a few robberies and general mischief making and hell raising Ciabatta decided we were going to eliminate his most feared opponent. No it wasn't A.S.S., appartently he doesn't fear them, at least since I'm not on the team anymore. Strangely enough Ciabatta fears the Dunkin Donuts guy the most, you know the "time to make the donuts" guy. Weird.
So, Ciabatta orders me to 'eliminate' his competion. He wanted me to make the donut guy wish he were one of the hobos. I frowned, shook my head and then headed off into the night to kill the donut guy. I like ice-cream more than donuts, but I still like donuts a lot, so this made me sad.
Well fortune smiled on me that night. LC had gotten drunk (shocking, I know) and gotten the munchies. He decided he wanted donuts, so he and Bongo went down to the Dunkin Donuts. LC getting late night donuts is not a strange or rare occurance what makes it so strange is that Bongo usually doesn't go into the donut shop with him. Well the 'time to make the donuts' guy was terrified by Bongo (who is a giant death-bot with lazers, somehow he became LC's pet 'dog'), I understand the trepedation that Bongo causes. So donut-man flees the donut shop, and LC is sitting there with Bongo up to there ears in donuts. Well I couldn't kill the donut guy if he wasn't there, and LC was there and he probably woulda tried to stop me. The site of my friend and his 'dog' sitting there eating donuts and happy just to be together, made me realize the truth of friendship and my actions. A real friend would never ask me to kill decent people like the donut guy, or helpless but stinky hobos. A real friend wouldn't try to make me evil, in fact a real friend wouldn't be evil at all. To this point LC was oblivious to me, probably because of the eclairs he was wearing like sun-glasses. When LC took off his eclair shades, he saw me and asked if I wanted a donut. I did want a donut, and I wanted to cry, so I had a donut and I cried, and now I'm explaining where I've been and what I've done, and I'm asking for a second chance. I realized that I had friends all along, even though they are all A.S.S.s they are my friends and I couldn't ask for better friends. So, to Mofo, SK, the Rev, LC, Pretty Boy Slimm, the Slut, and all the other A.S.S.s please forgive me, and please take me back.
